Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I'm Not An Elite But Can You Vote For Me?

Aunties and uncles, brothers and sisters, ladies and gentlemen, my future bosses, I stand before you for you examine me, for you to decide if I qualify for this job. I'm applying to represent you in parliament and I thank you for your kind attention and consideration.

Why?

The reason I did not die from my heart attack is because my job ain't done. I need to make a difference before I die. A difference for the better before bitterness sets in. I need to stop the madness, the plasticity that's engulfed Singapore. I need to add meaning to the lives of those I can touch, the constituents I live with.

Truth be told, I need to survive. Last I heard, the salary of a MP is almost $17,000 a month. I have been out of work for a few years now and I need a job badly. As most employers do not want to employ near-60-year-olds like me and as I do not wish to compete with other carton and aluminium can collectors to survive, I have just dug into my meager savings and borrowed the rest of $13,500 (deposit to contest) from my dear friends and relatives to apply for this MP position. I'm just like a foreign domestic help or foreign worker who borrow much to get a job here! As nothing ventured nothing gained, I hope you can understand my sense of adventurism.

I have considered my personal qualification and I know I may not have the political experience required for the job. However, neither did the MIW in 1959 nor the current batch of ministers who came into politics through the back-door-walked-over GRCs. I hope you will give me a break and cut me some slack. Honestly, I do not know what kind of MP I would be when you vote me in. But for sure,
  • I'll stick by my national pledge "to build a democratic society based on justice and equality so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress" for you and me.
  • I know I'm not powerful enough to "fix" my opposition or rich enough to "buy your votes".
  • I won't be insulting you with derogatory remarks like, "daft" and "complacent" and have "spurs stuck in your hinds".
  • I will not make a mockery of nation building and national service by rubber stamping "aye" in parliament to pay minsters the obscene million dollar salary to prevent them from being corrupted.
  • As I'm not your pimp, I will not urge you to work "Cheaper, Better and Faster".
  • As much as I need your support as my boss, I will not degrade myself by saying something sycophantic like "the world will be heaven if everybody's wife/mother is like yours" when it's time for her to go to heaven.
  • As I will be serving you, you will be my Boss. Rest assured that I won't be calling you "lesser mortals".
I have no party manifesto as manifesto is not worth the toilet paper it is written on when it's just plain hype. (Unless the toilet paper is of the same quality used by Mas Selamat for his great escape). I mean how can we "stay ahead and move together" when a request for an increase for public assistance for the poorest of the poor is answered with, "How much do you want? You want them to have three meals in restaurant, food court or hawker centre?" (But, but much to our surprise and disbelief, overspending hundreds of millions on YOG is money well spent!). Just where is the sense of proportion?

Does the last increase in GST meant to help the poor ended up helping ministers to become millionaires contribute to "Staying Together Moving Ahead"?

You will get your money's worth when you vote me in. As I have no other high-flying job or directorship like most current MPs, I'll be working full time for you.
  • I will be your MP and not a rubber stamp. That means I'll speak out for you.
  • Working full-time, I'll spend more time with you. I'll be meeting you more often than the Once-A-Month-See-My Subordinate-First-Meet-The-People-Session that's currently practiced because my office is situated in your constituency and I'm working full-time.
  • Telling it like it is, because I BTC (Bo Tak Chek=No Read Book), I may be lacking in certain areas but I will get help. Examples:
  • If you have financial or economic query that is beyond me, I'll ask Kenneth Jeyaratnam or Leong Sze Hian to help.
  • If you have legal problem which I cannot help, I'll ask my ex-NMP Botak or Ravi to help.
  • If you want to practice democracy and human rights, I can get advice from the Chee siblings.
  • If you have insurance or investment issues, we can get in touch with Tan Kin Lian.
You may be asking what I'm good for then as your MP? Not much I guess. But are you getting as much value from your current MIW MPs?

The difference is I am working full time and I'm not another rubber stamp in parliament :)

Oh, knowing their style, before I get demonised by my opposition, I'd like to confess that I was a slippers stealer when I was a kid. I was also charged a couple of times for not following stupid orders during my NS days in late 60's.

Now that I have come clean, can you please vote for me?

My friends, I need the job badly and I hope you will give me a majority when election comes. But if you think I'm not good enough to be your MP, I can understand. I can be a "cheaper, better and faster" collector of paper cartons and aluminium cans.

But at least give me one-eighth of the votes so that my deposit of $13,500 won't be forfeited. I do not wish to jump MRT track due to my $13,500 indebtedness.

Thank you.

feedmetothefish

35 Comments:

At October 14, 2010 at 7:39 AM , Anonymous Living_on_borrowed_time said...

You can count on me...

 
At October 14, 2010 at 10:06 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, you can count on me too.

 
At October 14, 2010 at 10:06 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, you can count on me too.

 
At October 14, 2010 at 11:56 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the heck, I'll be your campaign manager although I too have no such experience before...:)

 
At October 14, 2010 at 12:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have my vote...

 
At October 14, 2010 at 12:11 PM , Blogger john said...

Dear Mr Fish,

I hope other than poverty, the great income divide between rich and poor, other worldly salaries of our government servants, unsubsidised public housing and medical care, inflexible education policies, rising cost of living, non transparency and non accountability of government departments, Temasek Holdings and GIC, ridiculous increase of foreign talents, the over reliance on gambling for tourist dollars, pimping of other foreign ‘talents’, mismanagement of the economy and the undying faith in the highly fallible wisdom of the most expensive self-proclaimed forecaster, the exploitation of maids and foreign workers, GST increases, retention of our CPF, lack of employment opportunities for older able bodied citizens, and the slow but steady draining of joy from our lives I hope you will touch on the civil servants.

My point is, civil servant used to be paid less than the private sector. So it was understandable that they enjoy free medical care and other benefits by virtue of being civil servant. I do not have a lkist of the other benefits they enjoy. I believe some of these benefits extend to their family members as well.

The question is, now that civil servants are earning on par with private sector employees, why do they still receive these benefits? Shouldn’t they be made to pay for everything just like private sector employees. Civil servants will continue to receive pensions after retirement whereas the rest of us receive no income if we do not work.

I am sure Minister Khaw did not pay a single cent for recent operation. He is paid millions why shouldn’t he be made to pay his own hospital bills? Instead he makes suggestions that we should go to JB for medical care. What gall!

I am sure the old man’s wife’s medical bills were paid for by the state, meaning us taxpayers, as well. Again why? Why should we pay their bills when we can’t afford to pay our own bills?

These benefits should be removed when they pay themselves such humongously obscene sums just to remain incorruptible and whiter than white.

I haven’t heard any of the opposition party members bring up this matter. Perhaps they are afraid of losing the votes of the substantial numbers of civil servants. Don’t you think these civil servants already cast their votes for the PAP anyway to retain their benefits?

If you are running in my constituency, my vote is yours.

Best of luck on health and everything.

 
At October 14, 2010 at 12:12 PM , Blogger john said...

Dear Mr Fish,

I hope other than poverty, the great income divide between rich and poor, other worldly salaries of our government servants, unsubsidised public housing and medical care, inflexible education policies, rising cost of living, non transparency and non accountability of government departments, Temasek Holdings and GIC, ridiculous increase of foreign talents, the over reliance on gambling for tourist dollars, pimping of other foreign ‘talents’, mismanagement of the economy and the undying faith in the highly fallible wisdom of the most expensive self-proclaimed forecaster, the exploitation of maids and foreign workers, GST increases, retention of our CPF, lack of employment opportunities for older able bodied citizens, and the slow but steady draining of joy from our lives I hope you will touch on the civil servants.

My point is, civil servant used to be paid less than the private sector. So it was understandable that they enjoy free medical care and other benefits by virtue of being civil servant. I do not have a lkist of the other benefits they enjoy. I believe some of these benefits extend to their family members as well.

The question is, now that civil servants are earning on par with private sector employees, why do they still receive these benefits? Shouldn’t they be made to pay for everything just like private sector employees. Civil servants will continue to receive pensions after retirement whereas the rest of us receive no income if we do not work.

I am sure Minister Khaw did not pay a single cent for recent operation. He is paid millions why shouldn’t he be made to pay his own hospital bills? Instead he makes suggestions that we should go to JB for medical care. What gall!

I am sure the old man’s wife’s medical bills were paid for by the state, meaning us taxpayers, as well. Again why? Why should we pay their bills when we can’t afford to pay our own bills?

These benefits should be removed when they pay themselves such humongously obscene sums just to remain incorruptible and whiter than white.

I haven’t heard any of the opposition party members bring up this matter. Perhaps they are afraid of losing the votes of the substantial numbers of civil servants. Don’t you think these civil servants already cast their votes for the PAP anyway to retain their benefits?

If you are running in my constituency, my vote is yours.

Best of luck on health and everything.

 
At October 14, 2010 at 1:09 PM , Anonymous Singaporean said...

Fish, I definitely want to vote for you.

But please get in touch with all the other alternative parties to avoid a 3-cornered contest.

I don't want to waste my precious vote.

If you are serious about this and ever need volunteers for the campaign, just write in this blog.

I will show up.

 
At October 14, 2010 at 1:20 PM , Anonymous going the full distance said...

Fish,
in doing so, your place in heaven will definitely be a few notches above Khaw B W.

if only more are game like yourself to stand for election, singapore will become a step closer to being a real nation.

hope there will be more single seat contests at this GE for independent candidates.

what a befitting end to a story, if all your supporters can see Mr Fish himself as a MP !

 
At October 14, 2010 at 1:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry Fish, as I am staying in Hougang and have only one vote. I already did the right thing.

Nonetheless, you can count me in as a supporter.

 
At October 14, 2010 at 1:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

For those supporter of Mr Fish, how can we help him raise the money for the deposit.

 
At October 14, 2010 at 2:10 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am available for any volunteer work needed

 
At October 14, 2010 at 3:52 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

pimp said - cheaper better faster? That was good!!

 
At October 14, 2010 at 6:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fish,
Your campaign speech has already been written!
Guarantee to win!

 
At October 14, 2010 at 8:46 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let me know where you are campaigning, if possible I will help out in anyway I can.

 
At October 14, 2010 at 9:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

U hv my vote

 
At October 14, 2010 at 11:10 PM , Blogger xinyuan; said...

Hey, if you're really campaigning, can you please come to Jurong?

Sorry if I sound doubtful. I just don't want to have false hope ):

 
At October 15, 2010 at 10:42 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fish, don't worry about not being an elite. We all know what elites are made of. They care only for their own kind.

The late ex-President Wee Kim Wee was not an elite, but I think he is the epitome of what a non elite is capable of.

Singaporeans are fed up with elites and all that they represent.

 
At October 15, 2010 at 11:38 AM , Anonymous KP Wong said...

Dear Fish,

Don;t know for sure whether you're serious on this. The whole diatribe sounds all too familiar. While the trust of your motivation and objectives are admirable and worth considering,I'm afraid that you may go down that same slippery road towards vindictiveness and martyrdom when you associate yourself to Soon Juan and Ravi.
I suggest you tackle the issues head on minus the same old insults and exaggerations, and not evolve into something that has been rejected by the public before... you know the same old run-of-the-mill stuff. The public, save for a small minority, is looking for a new spark to rekindle their political awareness. These young educated singaporeans are sympathetic but tired of the old belligerent style of the past oppositions. They want something fresh and relevant. Can you provide that? All the best.

 
At October 15, 2010 at 2:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

@KP Wong,

pretty obvious this is a tongue-in-cheek post by fish..with a heart problem, don't think he would want to risk being sued /slandered etc like Tang Liang Hong some years ago. To this day, I feel a great sense of injustice that while he was being accused of being anti-christian and anti-chauvinistic, he ended up as a fugitive when his police report got passed to the PAP. Anywhere else, it would have been seen as inapprorpriate but this is uniquely S'pore after all. Instead of denigrating a 60+ yr old with a heart problem that he's using "the old belligerent style of the past" and to provide something fresh and relevant ; why don't YOU do it ? Or support those who are trying to do it eg Reform Party, Workers' Party if you are not a fan of SDP..

 
At October 16, 2010 at 10:23 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr Fish.
Bravo. Why our MP cannot make spirited speech the way like you?

 
At October 16, 2010 at 4:46 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fish, I can see that you have a lot of support on TR too, after they ran your post on their website.

I even read that some of the people are ready to vote for lizards and cockroaches instead of the ruling party.

That must tell us something about your chances if you do stand.

 
At October 17, 2010 at 9:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i wilL vote for anyone except PAP!

 
At October 18, 2010 at 2:57 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fish,

You should make this your election rally speech. Simply brilliant!

 
At October 18, 2010 at 9:44 PM , Anonymous making history said...

i agree Mr Fish can use this for his election speech to connect with majority of ordinary folks.

i also agree he stands a reasonable chance with the present ground sentiments

and somehow i have this feeling that even if all the PAP candidates were to drop their pants at an election rally, they would still have a tough time drawing the crowd.

 
At October 19, 2010 at 1:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

They don't draw crowds, they just 'create' them.

 
At October 19, 2010 at 11:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, bus loads of them from different constituencies to where the spectacle will be created.

 
At October 20, 2010 at 2:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

>>Yes, bus loads of them from different constituencies ...

Not forgetting State Times photographers with SPECIAL lens

 
At October 23, 2010 at 2:33 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have read many of your articles and thoroughly enjoyed. Wish there are more writers like you. You are assured of my vote if you should choose to stand in Bukit Batok. Otherwise, you have my fullest support and I will try to attend every rally of yours

 
At October 26, 2010 at 12:44 PM , Anonymous Hougang Supporter said...

I support you!

 
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