Aunties and uncles, brothers and sisters, ladies and gentlemen, my future bosses, I stand before you for you examine me, for you to decide if I qualify for this job. I'm applying to represent you in parliament and I thank you for your kind attention and consideration.
The reason I did not die from my heart attack is because my job ain't done. I need to make a difference before I die. A difference for the better before bitterness sets in. I need to stop the madness, the plasticity that's engulfed Singapore. I need to add meaning to the lives of those I can touch, the constituents I live with.
Truth be told, I need to survive. Last I heard, the salary of a MP is almost $17,000 a month. I have been out of work for a few years now and I need a job badly. As most employers do not want to employ near-60-year-olds like me and as I do not wish to compete with other carton and aluminium can collectors to survive, I have just dug into my meager savings and borrowed the rest of $13,500 (deposit to contest) from my dear friends and relatives to apply for this MP position. I'm just like a foreign domestic help or foreign worker who borrow much to get a job here! As nothing ventured nothing gained, I hope you can understand my sense of adventurism.
I have considered my personal qualification and I know I may not have the political experience required for the job. However, neither did the MIW in 1959 nor the current batch of ministers who came into politics through the back-door-walked-over GRCs. I hope you will give me a break and cut me some slack. Honestly, I do not know what kind of MP I would be when you vote me in. But for sure,
- I'll stick by my national pledge "to build a democratic society based on justice and equality so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress" for you and me.
- I know I'm not powerful enough to "fix" my opposition or rich enough to "buy your votes".
- I won't be insulting you with derogatory remarks like, "daft" and "complacent" and have "spurs stuck in your hinds".
- I will not make a mockery of nation building and national service by rubber stamping "aye" in parliament to pay minsters the obscene million dollar salary to prevent them from being corrupted.
- As I'm not your pimp, I will not urge you to work "Cheaper, Better and Faster".
- As much as I need your support as my boss, I will not degrade myself by saying something sycophantic like "the world will be heaven if everybody's wife/mother is like yours" when it's time for her to go to heaven.
- As I will be serving you, you will be my Boss. Rest assured that I won't be calling you "lesser mortals".
I have no party manifesto as manifesto is not worth the toilet paper it is written on when it's just plain hype. (Unless the toilet paper is of the same quality used by Mas Selamat for his great escape). I mean how can we "stay ahead and move together" when a request for an increase for public assistance for the poorest of the poor is answered with, "How much do you want? You want them to have three meals in restaurant, food court or hawker centre?" (But, but much to our surprise and disbelief, overspending hundreds of millions on YOG is money well spent!). Just where is the sense of proportion?
Does the last increase in GST meant to help the poor ended up helping ministers to become millionaires contribute to "Staying Together Moving Ahead"?
You will get your money's worth when you vote me in. As I have no other high-flying job or directorship like most current MPs, I'll be working full time for you.
- I will be your MP and not a rubber stamp. That means I'll speak out for you.
- Working full-time, I'll spend more time with you. I'll be meeting you more often than the Once-A-Month-See-My Subordinate-First-Meet-The-People-Session that's currently practiced because my office is situated in your constituency and I'm working full-time.
- Telling it like it is, because I BTC (Bo Tak Chek=No Read Book), I may be lacking in certain areas but I will get help. Examples:
- If you have financial or economic query that is beyond me, I'll ask Kenneth Jeyaratnam or Leong Sze Hian to help.
- If you have legal problem which I cannot help, I'll ask my ex-NMP Botak or Ravi to help.
- If you want to practice democracy and human rights, I can get advice from the Chee siblings.
- If you have insurance or investment issues, we can get in touch with Tan Kin Lian.
You may be asking what I'm good for then as your MP? Not much I guess. But are you getting as much value from your current MIW MPs?
The difference is I am working full time and I'm not another rubber stamp in parliament :)
Oh, knowing their style, before I get demonised by my opposition, I'd like to confess that I was a slippers stealer when I was a kid. I was also charged a couple of times for not following stupid orders during my NS days in late 60's.
Now that I have come clean, can you please vote for me?
My friends, I need the job badly and I hope you will give me a majority when election comes. But if you think I'm not good enough to be your MP, I can understand. I can be a "cheaper, better and faster" collector of paper cartons and aluminium cans.
But at least give me one-eighth of the votes so that my deposit of $13,500 won't be forfeited. I do not wish to jump MRT track due to my $13,500 indebtedness.